The Practice of Enemy Loving

Recently, I heard what seemed to be the 1212^th homily on loving your enemies.  Not that I have been counting them, so perhaps I should say, more accurately, that I’ve heard more than I would care to count and less than an uncountable number.  Nonetheless the message seemed to be about the same.  Christians are required to do many unpleasant things and undoubtedly one of the most difficult is loving one’s enemies.

I’ve always consoled myself with the fact that I really don’t have many people I would consider “enemies,” and thus, I’m not required to do a lot of work in this area.  It is paper-thin comfort, however.  I’m not so spiritually naive as to believe that God declared this profound corollary of one of the greatest commandments (i.e., “Love thy neighbor…”), and meant to give a pass on it to regular folks not struggling with a plethora of antagonists.

So how do I “love enemies” in my humdrum daily grind when I can’t really see the foes among the trees?  It would be a bit extreme to characterize those with whom I differ as enemies.  What few conflicts I have seem too mundane to label someone on the other side of the issue as “a person who is actively opposed or hostile” to me—a dictionary definition of enemy.

Admittedly, there are a goodly number of folks who simply annoy me.  In addition to the daunting denizens I encounter in my everyday life, there are also people I don’t even know digging beneath my epidermis: those who ignore me when I am trying to get service, those who have 20 items in the 15 items or less checkout line, and, of course, those whose driving methods fall far short of the high standard I impose on my fellow travelers when I am behind the wheel.  There are times when I believe that it would be far easier to love any serious enemy than to have a positive feeling for the aforementioned violators of my peace of mind.

Since I am one of God’s works in progress, and undoubtedly undergoing continual major renovations, is it possible that these passionate, unnerving interludes are part of the divine reconstruction?  Could the unpleasantness we experience from others be God’s teaching tool to make us better Christians?  How can we expect to be able to love an enemy when the time is at hand to do so, if we cannot treat those who only aggravate us with a little empathy and understanding?

I find myself unable to make spiritual progress on this issue without some kind of plan.  My hair trigger reaction to irritation must be counteracted by a systematic strategy for processing these feelings and reorienting them into more compassionate paths that will allow me to learn and grow from the encounter.

The method I have pieced together is expressed in the acronym GUT, which stands for God, us, and them.  Here’s an example of GUTting myself through the annoyance of someone cutting me off in traffic:

• God: Could this situation have been from God?  Was my attention wandering while driving and did I need a “wake-up” call?  Can I open my heart to whatever God is trying to tell me in the midst of this?

• Us: How many times have I done the same thing that is currently aggravating me?  Did I think about the people I did it to at the time, or did I just cruise on figuring they would get over it?  Did I ask for forgiveness and appeal to God to make me more considerate in my driving and in the way I dealt with people whom I have casual contact with?  Was I even aware of the situation?

• Them: How do I know they weren’t heading to an emergency?  Could they have been distracted due to a serious issue with themselves or their families?  Did I pray for them, for their safety, and the safety of those around them?

I would like to say that this system is an immediate and overwhelming success with me, but alas, reaction and judgmentalism are long ingrained habits that it takes time to replace with more sympathetic and rational feedback.  In fact, I’ve often found that it is easier for me to TUG my way through, because in the midst of my egoistic passion, what God is doing is the furthest thing from my mind.  It is much easier to think about the perpetrator since they are currently the focus of my troubled countenance, and then to dwell on my own victimhood in the transaction.  After a period of obsessive exposition of the other person’s and my own role in the event, I find that I am better able to focus on God’s possible role.

The “hit and run” type of annoyances, where the annoyer flashes into and out of our space, lend themselves to this contemplative approach, because those whom we have briefly conflicted with are gone before we have time to counter the blow  And often there is a period of momentary incredulity which may allow us to reflect before we leap.  All of us experience those folks who revel in dropping discouraging words in our midst and then trotting on their merry way.  The moments of meditation imposed by the GUT method may allow us to respond belatedly in a more effective way.  For example, take the critical bomber who likes to chide and run.  We can, after some GUTful deliberation, reply with more prudence than passion, not with judgmentalism, but perhaps with thankfulness, compassion, contrition or whatever we have determined that God wanted us to extract out of the moment of pique.

If we are requiring something more from our irritator (such as when we are being ignored while needing service), then the GUT break may allow us to request their attention in a gentler and more effective way.  For example, “Could you tell me who is next in line?” or “I am sorry, you probably didn’t think I was waiting for service.”

But it is with those who perturb me consistently with method to their maddeningness, that brings the GUT method to perfection.  Repeated vexation means more practice, and thus gives me a chance to learn more about God, them, and me. Even a little casual practice of this method can help readjust thinking, and has helped me change my tendency to think the worst.  It has brightened my outlook and thus makes even the more difficult moments in my day seem more bearable.  Who would’ve thought that loving one’s enemies could lead to a more pleasant disposition, and consequently help change the world by altering the only soul I really have any power over?